


Hitch-hiking

by Shadow_of_Quill



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Gore, I'm not kidding about the gore, Mostly Fluff, OC is not meant to be reader, Post-Canon, RoadTrip!, Second person POV, at least I think so, bodyhorror, but not a human!AU, don't be fooled by most of this fic, not a bad/sad ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-03 05:55:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21174518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_of_Quill/pseuds/Shadow_of_Quill
Summary: Maybe you shouldn't have hitched a lift with the man who keeps insisting that he's a monster...





	Hitch-hiking

**Author's Note:**

> It is done! This fic took two years to finish, and is probably not worth it.

You knew it wasn't the smartest thing you'd ever done, but you just didn't have that many options. You had plenty of layers on, you had a spraycan of mace to hand, your money (all three hundred and eight dollars of it) was hidden away - you were as safely prepared as you _could_ be.

You just had to get to your friend's house. They said they could put you up for a bit, give you a chance to get your feet under you.

But you'd need money when you got there, which meant trying not to spend any on travelling... which meant hitchhiking.

The car that stopped for you was - interesting. A sturdy four-wheel-drive covered in spatters of so many different colours you had no idea which one it started off as.

The driver, a tall, thin man with dark skin and impressive dreadlocks, grinned at you. "Where do you want to go?" he asked, voice loud and friendly, but not threatening.

You shrugged. "Pretty much anywhere north is good."

"Oh, are you sightseeing? I, The Great Papyrus, would be honoured to have your company on my own sightseeing journey!"

The name startled a laugh out of you. "Thanks." It took a few moments to gather your courage, but you climbed in and set your backpack at your feet.

"Now, onward to adventure!" 'Papyrus' cheered, and drove off.

The car's radio was tuned to an oldies station. 'Papyrus' (you couldn't believe how naturally he answered to that name) hummed and sang along with the older songs, cheering whenever one came on that he recognised.

It didn't take long before you were joining in on the ones you knew - and laughing in disbelief at one or two you'd never heard of.

> _Yeah, we got a little old convoy,  
Ain't she a beautiful sight?..._

The song after that made Papyrus wrinkle his nose and complain at full volume about "Poor creativity" and "Ridiculous metaphors" - which only made it funnier when he interrupted himself to join in with it.

You hadn't heard the song before, but you picked up part of it easily enough and chanted with him, "TransAm, Mustang, Charger, GT-_Ohh!",_ laughing as you drew out the 'ohh'.

He turned the radio off after it was finished, grumbling about its betrayal. You felt comfortable enough to ask him about his accent - you'd never heard one quite like it before.

"I have no idea what you mean. My accent is perfectly normal for a monster from Snowdin!"

You blinked. "Uhm. What?"

He glanced at you, seeming just as confused as you were. "Snowdin. It's one of the larger towns we had while we were trapped by the Barrier."

You blinked again, and gave him a long, slow stare. Two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth, long hair, two arms, two legs, no tail, eight fingers, two thumbs, you were pretty sure he had ten toes hidden in his combat boots - a boring, average human.

You'd seen photos of the monsters. Giant hands with one eye in their palm, or five on their five digits. Bipedal lions and alligators. Stranger things that couldn't be described nearly so easily.

So. Apparently you'd been picked up by a compulsive liar.

At least he chose something that couldn't fool you.

He must have been driving for a good three hours when an alert suddenly went off. "Oh, whoops!" He pulled over as soon as he could and pulled out his phone.

You took the opportunity to stretch your legs, a little in awe of how comfortable he seemed to be after all that time without a break - and that wasn't counting however long he'd been driving _before_ picking you up! Maybe he worked as a long-haul driver?

He paced around as he waited for whoever he'd called to answer their phone. You weren't listening in, exactly, but you might not have wandered as far as you normally would. You were curious who he _had_ to phone, that was all. It wasn't paranoia - you were riding with the guy!

Besides, you thought you might get to hear what his _real_ name was.

"Hello, brother!" he suddenly shouted into the phone, making you snort with laughter even as you winced in sympathy for his brother's ears. "How is your observatory coming along?"

His smile softened as he listened to the answer. "That's stellar news! I await word of your astronomical contributions to the field of science!"

You could feel your eyebrows doing something strange, so you turned away. Did real people talk like that wherever 'Papyrus' actually came from? Or had he patterned his speech on some old TV sitcom or something?

You were betting on the second option.

Behind you, Papyrus asked slyly, "Is that one of Toriel's pies I see on your counter?"

You looked back, wondering when he'd switched to video chat.

He hadn't. He wasn't even looking at the screen.

Okay, then.

Whoever he was talking to - you'd have been more inclined to believe that it really _was_ his brother if he'd used the poor guy's name, instead of repeating, 'Brother, brother, brother,' like he was trying to convince somebody - didn't seem put off by the weird comment. Maybe it was some kind of injoke? Or they were used to him making assumptions like that.

Actually, if he was a compulsive liar, they probably were.

Papyrus bounced on his heels. "Ah, yes! Brother, I have made a new friend and companion on my journey!" He waved you over, beaming, and held out the phone.

A low voice said, "Hi. You're riding with my bro?"

"Yeah. He's been very nice to me," you said, trying to sound polite and confident and not at all like you'd just been questioning if this was really Papyrus' brother. They even had the same accent, embarrassingly enough.

You fought down the urge to ask where they were _really_ from. You'd just sound like you were accusing Papyrus of lying to you.

"He's nice to everyone," Papyrus' brother said, voice warming. "He's really cool like that." The warmth vanished as he asked casually, "Planning on sticking with him for long?"

Papyrus bounced in place, giving you the most hopeful stare you'd ever been faced with. 'Say yes?' he mouthed.

"Um. Yes?"

His face lit up.

"Cool," his brother said. "Talk to you again tomorrow, then." You blinked a bit at the abrupt dismissal, and handed the phone back to Papyrus.

"Brother! That was a very rude way to end a conversation!" he scolded, then smiled. "Oh, I see Frisk's arrived!"

Frisk? Who'd name their kid Frisk?

You wandered a bit further, idly thinking about how much of a pain that name must have been at school. Or maybe it was a nickname? That would make more sense... but there was something about that name that kept niggling at you, even after Papyrus' phonecall was over and you were both back in the car.

It took you longer than it probably should have to remember that it was the name of the Monster Ambassador.

Papyrus was really taking this whole 'I'm a monster' thing seriously. It was just a little creepy. But he didn't seem dangerous... so you just decided to try and avoid bringing up anything connected to his delusion. 

That couldn't be too difficult, right?

He looked over at you just as you thought that, with an air of bashful embarrassment. "By the by, it has been brought to the Great Papyrus' attention that I do not actually know a suitable name to call you by." You tensed, and he immediately added, "I am in no way attempting to force your actual name from you! It is merely that I have been reminded that calling you 'Human' without any other distinguishing features is a much less useful identifier now that we are above-ground, where the vast majority of the population is, in fact, human."

"No kidding." His pretense at being a monster was getting less funny the more he brought it up (and you _weren't_ focussing on that to ignore the panic, the stupid panic that if you used your name you could be traced -). You forced your breathing to even out and stared him down. "So?"

Instead of being upset, he brightened. "May I choose your new nickname _for_ you?" he shouted, sounding absolutely delighted.

The unexpected response deflated you. "Uh. Sure... I guess?"

"Hmmmm." He pulled the car over, and turned to stare at you intently. "Hmmm. Hmmmmm-"

"Could you knock it off with the humming?" you snapped, though the obnoxious sound wasn't making you nearly as uneasy as the feeling that his stare was somehow seeing deeper than you liked.

He blinked, and smiled at you. "Certainly!" And started the car again. "And I have discovered that your nickname should be related to bravery!"

_Bravery?_ You could feel a laugh swelling in your throat, choking you. Bravery would have been getting out sooner, instead of letting yourself be treated like that. Bravery would have been staying, making an actual effort to improve things. You'd just cut and run when you couldn't handle it any more.

You weren't brave. You were a coward.

Papyrus didn't notice your scoff, chattering on to himself, "Bravery. So, courage, courage... This would be easier if I knew much about traditional human names, I'm sure there's something out there with the right meaning... Hmm. Courage. _Couer_age.

"Perfect!" You jumped in your seat at the sudden shout. He didn't notice, beaming at you triumphantly. "I have the exactly right nickname for you! Heart!"

You just stared. Heart? How did anyone go from saying 'courage' weirdly to 'heart'?

But that would mean that no one else guessed where the stupid nickname came from...

"Heart's - fine. I guess."

His smile turned incandescent at your lukewarm approval. "Hooray! The Great Papyrus is a master of nicknaming!"

You were surprised when you laughed. But somehow, you found yourself deciding that being called 'Heart' didn't sound too bad.

You spent the next few days learning more about your new friend. Papyrus answered to his silly name as if he'd been born to it, didn't entirely understand the concept of taking breaks, enjoyed word games, called his brother every day and caught up with another friend over text every night (all you knew about this other friend was that they insisted on using a sunflower emoji as their name), and was utterly convinced that he really was a monster.

You tried to ignore it. He was great, really - you hadn't known it was possible for someone to be this loud and cheerful without being grating, but he managed it despite the two of you being stuck together in a very small space for hours and hours. He'd stop the car for you to stretch your legs whenever you asked, he'd ask if you wanted to see everything you passed advertisements for (Doll Museum! Gnome Collection! Farmer's Market! Miniature Village!) and didn't try to force you if you chose not to, he was the best travel companion you could have asked for and if he really needed you to play along and pretend that you thought he wasn't human, you could do that.

You were getting closer to where your friend lived. You'd started thinking about maybe asking Papyrus to take you straight to their place - or, well, at least letting him know where your end destination _was_ \- but you hadn't quite decided.

And then Papyrus did a double-take at a sign, and started getting quiet.

"Uh, Papyrus?"

"Yes, Heart?" You'd expected him to sound less happy. You weren't exactly thrilled that he'd gone with forcing himself to sound cheerful, instead.

"What's up?"

He puffed out his chest and gave you a big smile - and then deflated when he saw how unimpressed you were, looking a little sheepish. "My good friend Undyne and her _very good friend_ Alphys moved near here, and I... should really stop by and see them."

You winced. Undyne and Alphys were pretty famous monsters, and Undyne at least was said to be very blunt. There was no way they'd play along with Papyrus' delusion of being a monster, and from his uncertainty about going to see them you were pretty sure he knew it.

He misunderstood your reaction. "They're both very incredibly nice! Undyne is the coolest monster in - _from_ the Underground! Except for yours truly, of course!"

"Of course." It wasn't _completely_ a lie, you told yourself. If Papyrus had been an actual monster he probably _would_ have been the coolest.

"But. Well. The thing is, I may have let my appearance go the _tiniest_ bit on this trip, and I may not be one hundred percent sure that Undyne would recognise me."

You nodded silently, and tried not to wonder what sort of appearance he thought he normally had.

He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel for a few moments, then took the next turning. "How would you feel about spending a week or so in town? I can pay for a hotel for you, don't worry!"

"Papyrus," you started, pretty sure that he'd just made a horrible choice (even if you weren't completely sure what that choice _was),_ but he talked over you, "It's not that I wouldn't be enchanted to bring you with me, but I really am going to have to change back to my regular appearance for this and it - well, I think you'd probably find it discombobulating?"

"I'd find it what?"

He blinked at you, fluttering his eyelashes. "Discombobulating. It is an _exemplary_ word for the purposes of defining your potential state of mind!"

"...Right." You didn't feel up to untangling that. "You... uh... you know you don't _have_ to -" _see them if you're nervous about it,_ you meant to say. Or maybe _change just so they'll be happy with you._ Some half-rate kid's show moralising like that.

"Pay for your hotel?" he interrupted before you could select a cliche to use. "But I insist! I'm the reason you need to stay at one, so it's the friendly thing to do!"

You had no idea how this guy had survived this long when he was so easy to take advantage of. (Though you weren't sure if it counted as being taken advantage of when he refused to take no for an answer?) 

Watching as he strode to the nearby copse of trees, you decided that he needed someone to look out for him. Especially if he was going to do something stupid to himself to 'prove' that he was a monster instead of a human. You and he were practically friends after you'd spent so much time together, it was your _duty_ to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself!

...So you didn't feel at all like a creep when you snuck after him to keep an eye on what he did. You were just looking out for him, not doing anything wrong.

You managed to lose sight of him pretty fast, because you were prioritising stealth over speed (it's much better to avoid questions like "Why are you following me?"), but he wasn't that difficult to find - you just kept going in the direction you'd seen him go, and there he was.

Stripping.

You slammed to a halt and ducked behind the nearest tree, eyes wide. That was _not_ something you were expecting to see!

Though - you glanced around the trunk quickly, then ducked away, hands over your mouth to stifle any nervous giggling - he wasn't exactly a _bad_ sight. Just. Unexpected.

It was only a few moments before you were peeking around the tree again - and that was when it stopped being funny.

Because that was when you saw the knife. 

The knife that he was holding very casually, the knife he was raising to his head, _the knife he was slicing open his face with_ -

He didnt make any sounds of pain as he cut along his hairline, lifting his dreads out of the way so he could reach, carefully looping behind his ears - and then he changed direction, following the line of his jaw, until he had. Cut. His face. Off.

And then he peeled it away and dropped it on the ground.

You were frozen in place, staring, as he carved away his throat - his _entire_ throat, the only thing he left untouched were his neckbones, his voicebox and his windpipe and everything else got dumped on the ground with his face - _and then he spoke!?_

"AH, THAT'S MUCH BETTER!"

His voice sounded clearer, somehow, as if all the flesh, the - the _meat_ \- he'd just peeled away had been muffling it. He caught his dreads in one hand and brought them around to stare at. "ITS A SHAME TO GIVE THESE UP WHEN IT TAKES SO LONG TO GROW THEM, BUT! NEEDS MUST!" and his scalp was peeled away to join his face.

He started slicing along his shoulders, then down his arms, peeling away the muscles and tendons and dropping them all to the ground in front of him.

(You couldn't get a good look (you didn't _want_ one) but the - the _stuff_ he was peeling away seemed less - bloody? - than it should be.

And greyer.)

Impossibly, he lifted a skeletal hand and flexed his fingers as if testing them. The bones moved easily, staying together as if held by magnetism.

(Held by magic? you thought, and tried not to.)

"WOWIE, IT SURE DOES FEEL GOOD TO GET THAT HEFTINESS OFF MY BONES!" he sighed to no one.

He switched the knife to his - _bone_ hand and repeated the - filleting? skinning? disembowelling? _Was_ there a word for what he was doing to himself?

With both hands now - _clear,_ he reached awkwardly to his shoulderblades, slicing at - tendons, you guessed.

It was still horrifying to see his back just fall away from his ribs and spine, but not unbearable. You thought you might be adjusting to this - a bit longer, and you might be able to look away, to move, to escape.

And then he brought the knife around with such a casual sweep that you didn't realise (_refused_ to realise) what he'd done until the glistening pink of his intestines started spilling through the hole. That he'd cut. In himself.

You gagged, but the sound was covered by his constant muttering of "EW, EW, EW," as he drew them out, tossing them to join the dusty pile of flesh already on the ground (why was it dusty instead of bloody, what was going on, was this all just some sickening nightmare and you'd wake up any second to Papyrus' worried expression as he tried to comfort you? Had you even left, or would you wake up to the bedroom ceiling instead of the car or a motel?)

It seemed to take forever until he was done (seven metres, right? part of your mind whispered. Seven metres of large intestine and eleven of small, wasn't it, and you'd just watched someone you thought of as your friend drag out every last centimetre of them while treating it like a gross household chore), at which point he hauled his - stomach, you thought - out to join them on the ground and gave a sharp nod of satisfaction. "AND THERE'S THAT PART DONE!" 

The knife flashed quickly at the base of his ribcage before he tossed down a flat _something,_ and with it gone his lungs and heart just - fell down, slipping through his fingers as he made panicked grabs to catch them. He sighed with relief as they fell to the ground, though, so you weren't sure what he'd been trying to avoid. The rest of his torso quickly followed, leaving your (almost?) friend - your travelling partner - a skeleton from his hips up.

His legs and feet were done as easily as his arms and hands had been, skin and muscle peeled away and discarded on that huge pile of disintegrating flesh (and it _was_ disintegrating, not rotting, just bloodlessly dissolving into gritty dust).

"LAST PART!" he said gleefully. You hadn't thought there was anything _left_ by this point.

And then he reached up _inside his skull_ and started dragging out handfuls of pinkish-grey _stuff_ \- that wasn't, he couldn't be -

The brain matter glistened as it fell onto the pile of dust.

"HEART? HEART? THIS IS AN ENTIRELY UNSUITED PLACE FOR NAPPING! OR SLEEPING, OR RESTING YOUR EYELIDS, OR -"

You blinked, not sure why Papyrus was shouting in your ear. Then blinked again. Why were you outside? What just -?

"HEART!"

You stared at the skeleton knelt in front of you as the last few minutes replayed in your mind, answering all your questions.

Then you threw up.

Papyrus made a lot of confused and worried noises, panicking as if he'd never seen someone being sick before (did monsters not get sick?) and being almost no help - _almost,_ because he was being very careful to stay in your line of sight at all times, and not knowing where the mobile skeleton was would have been the only thing (or not, but one of a _very few_ things) that could have made your freak-out _worse._

You ended up huddled next to a puddle of vomit as you warily stared at your almost-friend, who'd turned out to not be a compulsive liar at all!

"I think... I should go... to my hotel room," you said slowly, pushing yourself to your feet.

"THAT IS ALMOST CERTAINLY AN EXCELLENT IDEA!" Papyrus agreed immediately. "WILL YOU DESIRE MY HELP GETTING THERE?"

You really, really wanted to say 'No', but - he looked hopeful. How a skull could have enough movement to show expressions, you weren't sure you wanted to know, but his did and was and you found yourself mumbling something like, "Maybe, I guess."

Skulls shouldn't be able to metaphorically light up like his did, either. "THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY CURRENTLY-NONEXISTANT HEART FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE UP FOR THIS DISTRESS, HEART!" He looked down at himself. "ALTHOUGH MY HELP WILL BE DELAYED WHILE I CORRECT MY CURRENT FLAUNTING OF SOCIETY'S NUDITY TABOOS!"

You leaned against a nearby tree as you watched the skeleton dress himself. You looked for the pile of - flesh - though you didn't have the slightest idea what you'd do if you saw it, but all there was was a small mound of dust, as if someone had decided to empty out a hoover-bag in the middle of the woods. "How's that work, anyway?" you asked before you could remind yourself how very sure you were you wouldn't want to know.

"HMM? OH, MY DISGUISE!" Papyrus said, seeing where you were looking. "IT'S SUCH AN EXTREMELY BORING AND UNINTERESTING STORY THAT I HAVEN'T INFLICTED IT ON ANY OF MY FRIENDS."

"Could you maybe sum it up?" You weren't sure if you were curious or not, but talking gave you something to focus on.

He _beamed._ "IT'S MAGIC!"

"You could just _say_ you don't wanna talk about it," you grumbled, feeling almost hurt by his way of refusing to explain.

He paused, staring at you as if he'd never seen you before. "I - I COULD, COULDN'T I? YOU'D ACCEPT THAT."

He said it as if it was a brand new thing, something he'd never experienced before. Maybe monsters weren't that much (better) different from humans.

He blinked at you (which was creepier than you'd have expected), and nodded once, decisively. "I DON'T." Then he looked awkward. "BUT I WASN'T ACTUALLY MISLEADING YOU WHEN I DENOUNCED MY FRIENDS' KNOWLEDGE OF MY MASTERUL DISGUISE, AND - WELL, SECRETS ARE GOOD FOR THE SOUL!" His permanent smile turned hopeful.

You'd never heard that saying before in your life, but you weren't going to bring that up. It _might_ be a monster saying.

"Sure." You did your best to smile back at him. "Don't worry, I'm good at keeping secrets." The words came out with a bite you didn't mean for them to have, but he wasn't bothered, nodding along happily. 

"A MARVELLOUS SKILL, APPLICABLE TO MANY ASPECTS OF LIFE!"

You straightened up, and started walking with him back through the trees. And then you paused. "Quick question."

"YES?"

"Do you have a driving licence for skeleton-you?"

He gave you a bright smile, lifted his hand with a raised finger - paused - blinked - and suddenly his phone was pressed to his skull as he said rapidly, "YES-HELLO-BROTHER-I'M-SURE-IT-IS-WONDERFUL-TO-HEAR-FROM-YOUR-BROTHER-THE-GREAT-PAPYRUS-AGAIN-DID-I-HAPPEN-TO-LEAVE-MY-MONSTER-DRIVING-LICENCE-IN-THE-HOUSE-WHEN-I-BEGAN-MY-GRAND-ADVENTURE?"

You were caught between snickering and wincing - you didn't know _where_ his brother was, exactly, but it seemed to be a pretty large distance away, and telling the police that his driving licence was in another district (maybe even another country?) didn't seem like a good choice.

And then a short skeleton in a NASA-themed jacket strolled from behind a tree with a wallet in his hand. "here you go, bro."

"THANK YOU, BROTHER! MAY I BE PLEASED TO INTRODUCE YOU TO HEART, MY TRAVELLING COMPANION!" He eagerly flipped through the wallet his brother held out, beaming at whatever he found.

"yo, heart. name's sans."

"IF YOU DO YOUR WHOLE ROUTINE MY VENGEANCE SHALL BE GREAT AND TERRIBLE," Papyrus said absently.

Sans pressed one of his hands to his chest. (Ribs?) "you wound me, bro."

Papyrus looked up, offended. "I WOULD NEVER! I HAVE _FAR_ MORE ELEGANT MEANS OF DELIVERING JUST PUNISHMENT UPON YOU! _AS YOU WELL KNOW,"_ he finished significantly.

It looked like you'd been wrong about Papyrus being human instead of a monster, but you were still prepared to stand by your guess that he'd learned social interactions from overacted television shows.

Still. Maybe you wouldn't give him your friend's address after all.


End file.
